how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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