It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
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