At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Randomize
