this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
