the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
