you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
