need another drink. this is the easiest way
I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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