and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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