Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
