I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
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