I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
