He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
im calling her cock vulture from now on
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
