Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Vodka?
Forever.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
