Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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