I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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