I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Randomize
