im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
