I wanna bring you to show and tell
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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