I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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