they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
