So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
