I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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