i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
