I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
