dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
You are a genius and a whore.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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