1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
