My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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