Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
