I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
be right there i have to get my cape
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
