I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
