i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
