cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Randomize
