wrigley field is MILF paradise
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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