i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Floor bacon is actually really good
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
