He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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