Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
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