You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
