oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
