I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
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Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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