something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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