matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
