i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
tell me about the fingering
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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