I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
