I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
