i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
