i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
