google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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