The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
