I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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