We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
