hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
