New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Randomize
