Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I have demons in me.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
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