I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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