can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
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