You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
