She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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