she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
