We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
