he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
