Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
