doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
