I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
