She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Randomize
