There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
