I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
