I just pynch a tree in the face
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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