Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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