After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
