Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
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I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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