I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
