If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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